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Funny Best Man Speech Ideas

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So you have been chosen as the best man for an upcoming wedding? One of your main tasks is going to be writing the best man speech! It can be worrying that when you crack a joke on the stage during the best man speech that nobody gets it! We are going to reveal some of the best jokes that you can crack to get everyone at the wedding laughing! So take your pick from these tried and tested jokes and one liners to help spice up your best man speech!

Funny Best Man Speech Top Tips

Funny Best Man Speech

- Start as you mean to go on by opening with a witty one liner or joke.
- Keep it clean. Some of the audience such as the bride’s Grandmother may not appreciate you constantly dropping F bombs!
- No private jokes. To make it a real funny best man speech and get everyone laughing, make sure that everyone in the crowd can understand the jokes.
- Make sure you pause for laughter otherwise you will start speaking over noise and people will not hear parts of the speech.

We recommend you check out our Best Man Speech Top Tips for more useful ideas!

Opening Joke Ideas

Best Man Speech on Wedding Day

It is essential to get the crowd interested in your best man speech right from the beginning and the best way to do this is to crack a joke or a one liner at the start. Here is a list of our favourites.

Firstly I’d just like to say I’m very nervous about making this speech. In fact this must be the third time today that I have stood up from a warm seat with pieces of paper in my hand.

I read somewhere that a best man speech shouldn’t take any longer than it takes the groom to make love. So ladies and gentlemen – I give you Mr and Mrs Smith. (Take drink and sit down).

3. (If he enjoy’s a drink) Today is John and Emma’s celebration. You might say it’s their big day. But what people don’t realise is that John's big day actually happened several years ago – when he walked into his favourite pub and the barman remembered his name, what drink he liked and poured it without asking.

4. If you could keep the clapping and yelling to a minimum today, I would appreciate it as I have a horrible hangover. I know it’s irresponsible to drink before such a big occasion, but I couldn’t let the groom drink alone.

Joke’s Throughout the Speech

Practising Best Mans Speech

For a real funny best man speech, make sure to have jokes throughout the entire speech. Here is a list of some of our favourite jokes from making fun of the groom, bringing up old memories and much more. 

Now I did ask for a microphone but was told one wasn’t available. So if you can’t hear me at the back, the silence from the people at the front should reassure you that you’re not missing out on anything.

2. (Make fun of the grooms speech) I’d like to congratulate the groom on his fantastic speech. I always know it would be hard to follow and I was right, as I couldn’t understand a word of it!

3. Loyal, caring, sincere, honest and hard working. But enough about me, I’m here to give a speech about the beautiful newly weds!

4. I think Liam sees marriage as being very similar to his beloved football - he's totally committed, and wants to score every Saturday, change ends at half time and play away half the year. The trouble is, Sarah is predicting that he's going to suffer from a serious groin injury if he does.

Closing Line Ideas

Funny best mans speech

Make sure to finish your funny best man speech on a high so that everyone is left laughing once you sit down. Here are some of our favourite closing lines and jokes to make the speech last long in the memory of everyone present.

I was told a long time ago that the most important thing about marriage is honour. Get on her and stay on her!

2. I have a card here for Paul from his Bank Manager, who sends his deepest apologies that he sadly can't be with you today… but will definitely be seeing you after the honeymoon.

3. Here’s to the two things that, without doubt make a great marriage. Here’s to a good sense of humour, and selective hearing. Ladies and gentlemen – the bride and groom.

4. And now all I have left to do is to say what a privilege it is to ask everyone here to charge their glasses and, for those of you who still can, to rise to your feet. Ladies and Gentlemen… the bride and groom!

We hope the these funny best man speech ideas have given you the inspiration to write a speech that will go down a treat with everyone in the crowd and be remembered for years to come! Good luck!

For more inspiration, check out our Stag Do Ideas

Image Credits: The Plunge | Bridebook | Confetti | Wedding Wire 
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